quintessentially banausic

CONGRATULATIONS, SWISS WINDS!!

you rock the world.. i’m so proud to be from the swiss winds… congratulations….

GOLD WITH HONOURS!!!!!

go band…. soar to greater heights and victories….

when it was real hot, they cancelled training… and when it’s real cold, they want to go ahead with training.. i wonder if there’s a screw missing from that captain’s head.. anyways,

i’m so full…. after dinner…. and there’s so much homework that i haven’t done…
sad case.. anyways, seems like i can’t make it in lit.. so. yeah.. i guess i’m prepared to flunk it at the A’s at the end of the year.. haha.. i’ll probably get E E F for my subjects.. with a F9 in GP.. hahahaahahahha………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
PISSED!
i am! well anyways, actually i’m juz blogging for the sake of blogging and i really am trying to construct full sentences and cut down on my abbreviations… blah blah blah, and such… ‘cos my cousin scolded me the other time we were on msn… haha.. he really doubted if i could finish my papers and my examiners will understand them cos he claims that i use too many abbreviations for my own good.. haha… i’m quite bored today and there seems to be nothing to do except to finish up my assignments and prepare for the next day’s classes.. so….. yeah… here i am! trying to spend my time rotting away here…… and a storm’s brewing up… juz what i need.. REALLY! no sarcasm in that…. i LOVE storms… simply LOVE and ADORE them.. haha… i like to hear the thunder roar and see the lightning strike and juz feel the rain beating on my skin… i LOVE the rain.. i LOVE it.. haha…..

-if i wait for stormy skies, you won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes..-

got that from a friend of mine when we went on the YEP trip together and if you’re wondering, yeah.. it stands for Youth Expedition Project.. it was real fun.. haha… it’s all written on my friend’s blog.. haha.. well…….. it’s good to hear the rain.. i just adore it… u noe? i think i won’t leave singapore after all.. i wouldn’t want to miss the comfort of the storm for anything in the world.. anyways, Mitch Albom’s will be showing this sunday at 9.00 pm on the hallmark channel.. and i juz put that up here to remind myself to watch it.. haha.. well anyways, i guess it’s ‘most time to go now… watch some tv before i try to catch up on my assignments and fall asleep on my comfortable bed (especially in this GREAT, AWESOME weather)

*WINK!!*

is it really me thinking what i have been thinking these days?
its not like me to mess things so bad of my own accord and feel this bad..
i always think that i should be responsible for the things that i created..
and i guess these superbly horrendous grades are just an example..
it really isn’t like me to be so whinny and such.. i don’t feel too good being this way..
is it me? the me that i once were? or have i subtly changed without noticing it myself?
it isn’t like me to be so hooked upon my appearances so much.. i feel different in my own skin..
recently i’ve been thinking.. am i as bad as i think i am and as i make myself out to be?
or am i just psyching myself out unnecessarily?
really…… i’m afraid.. of everything.. of studies, grades, expectations..
most of all, i’m afraid of myself.. my fears, my thoughts, me.. i’m afraid of me…
my head is spinning, my brain sucked into a whirlwind of thoughts..
i’m not me.. not the me i fondly knew.. the happy-go-lucky girl that once used to be..
now i’m a wound-up, high-strung singaporean teenager.. the almost-perfect model of an 18-year-old doomed to sit for the A-level examinations at the end of the year..

am i me?

i don’t know…
i feel like a once carefree bird who is recently locked in a gilded cage..
but then i wonder..
who has the key?
will i be the master of my own mind and let myself be the key to open the lock to my heart?
or will i let the norm swallow me into the quicksand of books and studies, the lost of my identity that i had struggled to build up in the past years?

I SHALL BE THE MASTER OF MYSELF!

such determination i once had but now is lost to me..
if only i could practise what i preach.. but then again…… if there were ‘if onlys’.. there won’t be anything bad happening in the world and i guess life wouldn’t be as fun as it is..
well,
at the end of the day, i know it’s just me.. maybe it’s just a passing phase, i really do not know..
all i know is that…. whether i’ve changed or not, it’s all up to me if i wanted to change myself… again.. i now it sounds horrid, but….. believe it or not… i guess this is how i really feel..
i will still be me.. always will me.. and i guess i will continue to love myself the way i am.. whichever way that is..